DesperMOtivation: My New Word for My New World

"Desperate times, call for desperate measures."

-The Greeks

                                -Michael Scott

Despermotivation is a word that I may have created, I may not have, I honestly haven't checked, nor do I intend to. For the purposes of this post I'm just going to assume that I have indeed created this word, and as it's creator, I suppose I should define it. Properly too.

Despermotivation

des-per-mo-tiv-a-shon
noun
1. The act of achieving sufficient motivation for a task via one's own desperate circumstance.
2. A combination of "Derperation" and "Motivation" meaning both at once.

It's a term that I've come to describe my circumstances, as well as Brad's over the last few weeks. You see, we've both been in different, yet similar instances of this state. The state of motivating yourself out of pure desperation or necessity. For Brad that's meant that everyday over the past year he's woken up and put 100% of his energy into what is now Flow Productions  (Now with a logo! But still no content, we're working on it) because in his words "It was either that, or not eating." When you've literally GOT to do something to survive it seems to really motivate you to do it.

For me, Despermotivation has come and gone at different points, my move out here was fuelled by it. But from a more artistic desperation rather than a financial one, I needed to go, otherwise I wasn't going to create. I was just going to stagnate. Now that I'm out here, I've begun to run into the same kind of despermotivation. Again, not from a financial side (I'm still pretty broke, but the kind of broke where I can pay all my bills and eat, just not buy new cool things) it's my artistic desperation that's motivating me to try new things. And, look for work, real, paying work, in some kind of field that satisfies those desires. A lofty task, I know. I've been setting myself up to look for work to replace McDonald's, and I'm about to pull the trigger, going after radio stations, TV stations, A/V companies and whatever else I can find. Really anything that doesn't involve wearing a visor. And as a somewhat lazy/socially anxious person, I've really come to rely on my Artistic Despremotivation as the key to it all. As well as the realization that the best jobs seem to rarely post want ads, and you've really got to work for them to get in. A lot of that requires networking too, something I've been poor at in the past, but it's something I'm going to have to get good at if I want to do interesting things for a living. And I do.

Despermotivation. Tell your friends, and get desperately motivated today!

-Matt

Thanksgiving Misgivings

Thanksgiving, the Canadian version, is today. Traditionally a time of families coming together and celebrating everything that they are thankful for, and eating a great meal. My family, like most others has been doing it for years, but this time they'll be doing it without me. It's weird not having an awesome turkey dinner this weekend, everyone around me is going to their families places and I'm stuck here watching Quentin Tarantino movies and eating Ramen. I'd go out but, that'd be money. Instead I'm left in here with my canned food and video games in an empty apartment. Both my roommates have places to be.

I guess that's what happens when you're new in a city.  I'm not going to lie, I was kind of hoping I'd have one of those sit-com esce thanksgivings where I'd be joining a group of people also with no where to go, complete with wacky high-jinks and innuendo of course. But, apparently, life is not like a sit-com. Shocker, I know.

But that's OK.

It gives me more time to really think on what I have to be thankful for. There's a lot, it's just different things this year.

This year I'm not thankful for a big, home cooked family meal. I'm thankful for the Pizza I was able to afford.

Thin crust, pepperoni, donair meat and green peppers. Mmmm mmmm.

This year, instead of being thankful that my parents continue to tolerate my living with them, I get to be thankful for my apartment and the awesome view from my deck.

Made with real Ocean!

This year, instead of despising the town I live in I get to actually be thankful for it! I mean, check out this park that's across the street from me!

Actually that may not be the best angle

I'm thankful for the opportunity I've been given to work with Brad on Flow Productions out here. I'm thankful that I have a job to support that dream. And for my family and friends back home who've called and messaged me with support and encouragement since I got here. 

I mean, to be honest, for all my complaining about money, I'm actually pretty lucky. I think that most of us really are, which is why Thanksgiving is so important, because we really do have a lot to be thankful for. That's really the big takeaway for me, after spending thanksgiving on my own. I thought a lot more this year about thankfulness and appreciating what I have. Rather than just anticipating a lovely turkey dinner. But I did very much miss the connection to family we all get around this time of year. So for those who did get the opportunity to do that, remember that not everyone gets to, and raise a toast to family, warts and all, they're the only one you've got.

Thanks,

Matt. 

Starving the Artist. AKA: What I Would Literally do for a Klondike Bar

First of all I think I should put out a disclaimer. I'm not actually "Starving" nor am I in real danger of actually not having any food to eat. However, with my recent budget constraints I am limited in what foods I can buy. Things like rotisserie chicken, sugar cereals, fresh vegetables and yes, even Klondike Bars are frustratingly out of my reach. I like sugary things a lot, as anyone who's seen me with my shirt off can attest too, so I'm not particularly enjoying this lapse of creamy frozen goodness. In fact I've compiled a list of things that I would actually (probably) do to get my hands on a box of Klondike's famous bars.

Oh wait. No, screw Klondikes, sign me up for a box of these.

5. Shovel Pass a Kitten

Kittens are lovely things. They're fantastic and honestly I'd never want to hurt one. However, If I were playing a full contact football game, in my current economic situation, and my coach were to pull me over to the sideline and give me an empowering speech about trying new things, and how if I pull off this crazy play he's dreamed up there's a box of ice cream snacks in it for me, I could foresee blatantly throwing a kitten to a fullback so he can try to run through a heard of violent steroid infused behemoths. I mean at that point it's mostly his fault if the Kitten kicks it.

4. Never Play GTA V

I haven't played it yet. That's right. Me. I haven't played GTA V. It came along at the worst possible time for me finically. There's no way I can afford buying this thing right now, and I'm sure it's great and all but if someone came up to me and offered me a box of delicious ice cream treats to stay away from GTA V for the rest of my days, I would do it. I mean, I just downloaded Saints Row 3 for free on the PSN and it's giving me everything I need in the "needless destruction" centre of my brain. 

3.  Be Forced to Play "Wonderwall" on Guitar at a Party

On October 30th 1995 the british rock band known as Noel Gallager and Friends released this song. And ever since then it has been the scourge of not only the house party but also of the open mic night. Four of the most basic cords one first learns on an acoustic guitar, a capo, and an easy, but recognizable strumming pattern give us the song sung at every party by the guy who wants to ruin the entire night subconsciously.

 

"Do you know the one that goes na na do do daa Be Free? I

 bet all the chicks here would totally dig it."

I used to be that guy. Strumming away at every party I went too, singing every hack song from Wonderwall to Wagonwheel, off key and too loud. I was the worst. If there was ever a sign that I needed to quit drinking for a while, that was it.

That being said, I'd do it all again for some soft serve covered in thin chocolate coatings.

2. Not See Thor: The Dark World

This might be from a Nicolas Sparks movie, I'm not sure. 

If it was raining I'd be sure.

I love comics. I love movies. I love comic book movies. I even love bad comic book movies sometimes for the sheer awfulness. So I mean there's no way I'm actually going to hate this new Thor movie. I mean, personally I doubt it's going to become a new favourite of mine, but at the very least I can say with confidence that I'd enjoy it. 

But not more than a Klondike Bar.

Sorry, Avenger.

1. Petty Larceny

Ha! Jokes on you, Hand Cuffs, I have incredibly thin palms!

Lets get this straight. I said Petty Larceny. Petty. Meaning the theft of something under $500 dollars. Very under. Like say, 6.45$ at Shoppers Drug Mart. 

Oh, I see what he did there.

Look. I mean at this point there's not a lot I wouldn't do for a Klondike Bar/Reese Cup-o-Awesome.

Namaste

-Matt

P.S. NO, MOM, I'm not going to actually steal something.... Unless your birthday falls further away from a payday than I thought...

A Brave New World: The Realization of the Weight of Choices

Right off the bat, I think it's important to aknowledge the wonderful people at No Name Foods. Without their moderately priced quality food products I don't think I'd be able to do my groceries on the budget I have set out for myself (Currently it's "DON"T SPEND ANYTHING"). Today on my grocery run I only spent 19 dollars, but came home with around 9 assorted cans with food inside them, bread, milk, eggs, and knock off Timbits, which made me feel particularly smart and mature for some reason. Well, if I'm more honest it made me feel like the Boba Fett of groceries.

It's been a while since my last post and I want to apologize for that, I know many of you have been waiting with bated breath (but I also feel like at least half of you have been consumed by the insanity that is GTAV and have forgotten about this blog altogether) and I hate to disappoint you like that, so I'll try to make them come in more quickly. The reason for the delay results largely in the work load I've taken on. Yes, I have finally started flipping burgers at the local McDonald's, and that is time consuming, but the workload from Flow Productions has been surprisingly demanding. Recently we've put a new logo and title card together, shot a local Halifax band live concert, continued ongoing lobster industry research, recorded a podcast, and I'm even writing a new short film that we're hoping to make in the coming months (more on that as it materializes).

You'd think with all this work I'm doing more money'd be coming in...

But that's the weird animal that is video production, often your paydays don't come at the time most convenient to you. That's what McDonald's is for in this whole equation. I can at least count on that money coming in.

Money.

Such a weird idea.

Money holds so much power in our lives. Something I don't think I've really realized until very very recently. When you live at home, or you're in college I don't think most people really grasp the full value of money. It's just something that you sometimes have and sometimes don't. But now that I'm relying on just my money to get me through everyday I've begun to see why money and the love of it drive so much of the wrong that is in the world. It's a powerful force. More so than it should be. I think too often we value money more than the life of our fellow man, we turn a blind eye to those in need and rationalize our own "need" of that money over someone who's living on the street. And for those of us who, like me, follow a particular Jewish Rabbi as our mentor in this life, I think we put that money in front of our desire to follow him as well. Not something we should be doing.

This has definitely been a time in my life when I've valued my money above everything else. Not consciously, but it was motivating every decision I've made since I got out here, and I wasn't aware of it until yesterday.

Yesterday I met a guy named Jesse.

There I was standing at the bus stop, listening to an episode of Harmontown (probably my new favourite podcast) when this guy walks up to me and holds out his hand for me to shake. He looked like he was around my age standing at around 5 foot 10, with blonde hair, wired glasses and an unassuming plain grey hoodie. He told me his name and perhaps something else, I'm not sure Dan Harmon's dulced tones were still partially reverberating through my ears as I was very much caught off guard.

"Jesse ______ nice to meet you."

"Uh, hi" I responded, uncomfortable at meeting someone I wasn't prepared for. (See: crippling social awkwardness)

"I'm Matt"

"Hey matt how's it going, just hanging around outside today."

"Yeah man, we are definitely outside."

Why am I always such a passive aggressive misanthrope? Must be the British in me.

"Yep. It's a beautiful day. Don't you think it's a beautiful day?" Jesse asked bouncing on the balls of his feel, hands now in his pockets, looking like he was perfectly pleased with the actual rain that was falling all around us.

"Yeah I guess man, I mean If you like rain. I personally don't mind it but I guess if you weren't into that, it's probably not preferable"

I hate small talk. I'm not good at it. I'm also still very confused at why this guy is talking to me.

"Nah. Everyday is beautiful my friend. Every new day you see."

I honestly didn't have much of a reply to that other than a generic nodding of my head. Jesse went on to ask me what I was planning to do today. A question that threw me off. I was really starting to feel weary of this dude I mean, why does he want to know? Is he gonna stab me? or worse, try to sell me something?

I don't know why, but I told him that I was going to get shoes for work and then I was heading home. He seemed enthralled, commenting on how the shoes I had on looked like they were really nice (Vans, yo #swag). We talked about how I'd moved out here to start a production company as it became clear to me that Jesse at the very least was not dangerous. That's when he hit me with this.

"That's awesome man I have a buddy doing that same thing. It's good to have work."

"Yeah man, you working now?"

"No, I actually don't even have money to eat with right now."

"Dude. That sucks."

"Yeah. I'm actually wondering if you've got any change."

I gave him what I had, it really was not much maybe like 70 cents. I had no bills or anything on me, but he seemed just happy to get what I gave him. He kept smiling serenely, and told me that it might just be enough to convince the nice lady at the Tim's to give him a coffee as well.

"Hey man I'm sorry"

It was all I could think to say. What do you say? What do you say to a seemingly perfectly normal person who can't afford a sandwich?

"Don't be man. Just remember. Everyday is beautiful."

That's when he walked away. Leaving me to catch the bus alone.




Now I realize that the story I just told you is long for what it is and that I could have just said I gave money to a nice homeless guy I met. But I felt I had to write it down. Jesse showed me something this week I think I'd forgotten. That people matter so much more than money.

That's why we have to look out for each other. So that we can all be as happy about every new day as Jesse is, but also so that none of us end up starving in a gutter. Because if someone is sleeping on the street the blame for that comes back to us. To society. Sure that person may have made a few mistakes in life, but they may not have. Regardless, if we as a society see those people, those fellow human beings lying out begging for change and refuse to give them neither the physical change, or the societal change to lift them up and bring them back....

Then how can we look at them in distain?

At that point we're far more disgusting than they ever can be.


Look out for each other.

-Matt


P.S. If you clicked on the GloryHound Youtube video and thought "Wow that looks awesome Matt, well done with the video stuff" you should know I did not shoot that video, that's just a music video they already had, what we shot for that band was a live performance that will be edited together soon and released at the band's discretion. I just linked it so you'd get an idea of the awesome music I got to be on stage for (yes, on stage, it was awesome).